last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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