U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
