Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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