I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
