wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
