I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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