Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
