I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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