I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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