he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
