Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Say something about gay babies.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
