i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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