My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
The adults are the big ones right?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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