I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
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