this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
