kristin has been a bad kristin
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
