i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
