I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
