State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Randomize
