I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
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OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
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Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
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