So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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