i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize