I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
