Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
