the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
