All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
