I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
