idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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