you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
