I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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