New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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