the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
