are you so shy because you have an std?
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
