Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
