apparently the secret to your success is patron
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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