You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
i think my cat just said my name.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
