sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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