Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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