so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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