some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
