roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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