I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
