Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
