Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
