so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
