You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
