I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
