i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
