Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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