i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
