No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Randomize
