What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
