who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
