You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
