Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
