Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
