She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
