just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
did you just send me my own nude
Randomize
