can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
