So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
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