Where are you?
In a non slutty way
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
