he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
