I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Farmville is her only friend.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
