We won't sleep together?
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize