He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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