I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
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