im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
is this the sara with the beer cane?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
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