She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
